Our freezer and refrigerator are currently full. Yet when I get a craving, I want to opt for take-out food. Is that a form of nesting? I am also too big and uncomfortable to do any actual cooking, which makes me sad because I genuinely enjoy cooking!

I've been meaning to write in this thing for so long, my last entry was from early August, I better get on this.

I feel like I've been pregnant for years. This is going to be a rant type of post, because I am not one of those women that enjoys pregnancy. I don't want to seem insensitive or ungrateful at all, I am obviously very excited and happy about growing our little family but I also don't feel like I should hold back my honest feelings about pregnancy.

I miss so many things. Sushi. Wine. Sleeping on my belly. Effortless mobility. Waking up without hip pain and a stiff back. My feet not hurting or swelling. Not feeling heavy. I can't think of anything more fun than your baby's head putting pressure on your cervix in utero. I didn't actually experience "lightning crotch" with my first pregnancy until the 9th month. With this pregnancy, it began early on, and I also felt pretty heavy then. Some days, it feels as though I am literally carrying a bowling ball between my legs, and it could fall out at any moment. I can keep going...but I will stop right here.

I went back to the chiropractor I saw before, and if there is such a thing as miracle workers, I would say this doctor is one. I need to leave a glowing Yelp review as soon as I get the chance. She is AMAZING!! I know I should also be doing my part (hi, yoga? Where did you go?), but honestly, all I want to do is sleep. And sleep is all I do. When Lily is in school or with her grandparents I take a 30-60 minute snooze. Otherwise I have a very short fuse and snap at everyone over very trivial things. I also cry about everything. I went to the mall the other day with an old friend and had lunch. She said she wanted to thank me for being there for her during hard times, and that I meant a lot to her. Of course, I began sobbing and I took her down with me. I can't wash dishes because my belly gets in the way, I can't sit comfortably with my laptop, I can't sit on my La-z-boy recliner because it exacerbates back pain, I can't put on my shoes without help, I can't walk long distances or it feels like my vagina is going to plummet to its death, oh wait. I did say I wouldn't complain anymore. So this is what I CAN do: sleep, and eat. Those suit me just fine! I can play with my little one the best I can. I am easily out of breath but I push through, because she deserves a mommy who will be there for her no matter what.

Baby hiccups. They have become much stronger, and more frequent. I remember Lily used to get them at least twice a day closer to her due date. I am hoping my boy will come soon, I am 36 weeks along but it certainly feels much later than that. I am so ready to meet him. I have an ultrasound scheduled for Monday. At the last one, I was told he weighs approximately 6 lbs., and that if they guess that he will be past 10 lbs. by due date, we will talk about a cesarean. I understand larger babies are at risk for shoulder dystocia, but the mere fact that his weight is only a guess it what gets to me. If I end up having major surgery when it wasn't actually necessary, I would not be a happy person. My very astute and awesome obstetrician knows me quite well, so he knows my wishes for a natural birth is extremely important to me. My doula Alicia sent me a great article about "big" babies and in it there was a tidbit about lawsuits over actions taken with babies that ended up with shoulder dystocia. I understand his concern completely. But only time will tell what is to happen next.

Have I even talked about how it came about that we found Alicia? I think that can be saved for a new post. We worked on baby's room a bit tonight and I am spent. In probably less than 8 hours our munchkin will want to jump into bed with us to cuddle and sing songs. Not a bad way to wake up, but when you're tired, more sleep would be ideal. :)