I hope that my fellow mamas had a wonderful Breastfeeding Week! I was a pumping mom but I still consider myself part of that group. It was empowering seeing all of the Instagram and Facebook nursing pics in my newsfeed. What is interesting is that I never thought to take a selfie myself, because for me, it was a very personal time between my baby and I. At the time, I never gave covering up a second thought, however. I nursed everywhere, and I did not care what people thought about it one bit. The stigma attached to nursing is flat out ridiculous. I enjoy reading people's nasty comments, if only for a good laugh. It is quite simple. If it makes you uncomfortable, look away, or keep scrolling and move on, much like we do if we don't care to "like" or comment on a status update, or your incessant photos of your children, or vacation. People sure have a lot of opinions. I wish they'd save them for much, much, much more important things, like let's say, figuring out ways to coexist without being rude to one another? Or perhaps doing some good in the world? Nah, that would be boring, wouldn't it? It doesn't cause any drama or scandal that is so loved by the masses.

I was also a formula feeding mama. After my supply dwindled dramatically, and Lily preferred more solids, I added formula to breast milk. I stopped pumping at eleven months, so I didn't exclusively give her formula for long, because I still had some frozen breast milk to use. Again, at the time, I wasn't interested in what others' opinions were about breastmilk vs. formula, because it didn't concern anyone else. Now I know what a huge controversy it is among the mommy wars. We had every "issue" in the book. My body did not produce as much milk as I would have expected, (I have no idea why I had it in my mind that I would produce tons!) I had every type of support a person could want available to me: an amazing doula, supportive husband, great nurses at the hospital, a couple of lactation consultants, and my mother, who had very easily nursed the three of us with zero problems, and who was able to produce an abundance of milk. I tried every supplement out there, the teas, every medication, power pumping, bed-in power nursing, nipple shields, lactation cookies, you name it. I still only produced nearly 5 oz in one breast, and hardly 3 or 4 oz in the other. Nothing less, nothing more. It did not budge. My little girl was hungry. After eleven months, my supply only decreased and it was incredibly disheartening. I was so determined to continue pumping, I was beginning to feel that I wasn't spending enough time with Lily, and I could have been a lot happier had I been relaxed about the situation. This time, I know better. Lily had both lip and tie tongue, so we will be on the lookout with baby M. Why it wasn't discovered earlier on with Lily, I will never know. It could have saved me a few rounds of sore, painful, bleeding nipples, that's for certain.

I am unsure about how nursing will go this time around, I will have to see when the time comes. As soon as Lily was born and was placed on my chest, she latched just fine. Little did I know that we would have challenges down the road. It is not the end of the world if my baby ends up being formula fed. I refuse to go through all of the stress I went through again. I need to remember that feeding choice isn't the be all and end all of anything, our identities as mothers do not lie in whether we breast fed or bottle fed our children. Let's be happy we are feeding our children, yes? I loved that Matt could help prepare her bottle, and bond with her during feedings. I will never forget Thanksgiving morning, when she was two months old, I woke up to a quiet baby being fed by her daddy next to the window as the morning light shined through. It was such a lovely sight! That was the moment I felt good about no longer trying so hard to breastfeed her. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I had cried so much about it; I wonder how much of that was baby blues, stress, desperation, disappointment. I am thinking it was all of the above.

I'm not sure if it was because I used the support band the other day or what, but my belly button pain has been very uncomfortable. Baby M sure is a lot more active in there these days. I don't notice more movement at any particular moment, it is literally all day and when I am still, at night before bed.
I have started going to a chiropractor again, I had my second visit today and I can't say that I'm super impressed with this doctor. She is a nice person, but I miss the one I had before, Dr. Anjali. Her services are not covered by our insurance, it is a major bummer. She takes a more holistic approach to healthcare, which is more up my alley. I will give this new one a couple of more tries but I think I will need to go back to Dr. Anjali as my belly grows bigger.

Our nanny, Paola's last week with us is coming up. While I am happy that she has found full time work close to home, we will miss her terribly. I know I will definitely cry about it, because I have literally been crying at least once a day, mostly about trivial things. This is not trivial by any means. She has been such a tremendous help to our family. Will we ever find another Paola? I think not.

As I type this, I noticed that my fingers are swollen. I hope I don't get carpal tunnel again, that was fun. I need to remember to drink plenty of fluids throughout the day. I took care of Mr. Rhoads today because thanks to his sick coworkers who chose not to stay home, he has the flu. Fingers crossed that Lily and I do not get it.

I am not loving the second season of Jane the Virgin. Come on, girl! Either pick Michael or Rafael already!! I should actually be working on renewing my nursing license. It expires in October and it will be here before we know it!