I am eating so much food. I was starting to make a list of things I have eaten today, but stopped after dinner because I threw in a frozen burrito with chips so now I am embarrassed to admit how much I actually ate. I feel guilty about the non-healthy stuff I consume but I am also good about fruit and vegetables. I have the feeling losing the baby weight this time will be a huge challenge. ;)

The anatomy scan of the baby was on Friday. I am proud of Lily, she was so patient through the long appointment. She even smiled at the sonographer after getting a sticker. Baby looks great, it is definitely a boy, there are no doubts about that! He is an active little one, it took longer than usual to get all the angles they needed. The doctor did notice a small umbilical hernia, which would explain the belly button discomfort I experience from time to time. I was told not to lift anything heavy, and to get as much rest as possible. Rest has been my best friend. Have I mentioned how tired I am?? My allergies have been awful so sneezing has been unavoidable. I have had to hold my belly every time I sneeze, and to make matters more interesting, I pee a little most of the time. Yes, I am not ashamed to admit that. I guess I really need to work on my kegel exercises. Ah, the joys of motherhood.

I have also been crying about eeeveryyything: commercials, documentaries, songs, even when I see a cute baby, I get a lump in my throat. My girlfriend stopped by the other day with four boxes full of baby boy clothes because they aren't planning to have more children, and they are moving. When she had initially told me she had "a few things" to give us, I had no idea she meant her son's entire wardrobe from newborn to 24 months. After she left, I went through it, and I became so overwhelmed with their kindness that I broke down in tears. Everything is cute and in such great condition, she could have just sold it all. It is funny that the day before she sent me her text message I was a bit stressed about having to buy boy clothes and had no idea where to start. I feel pretty lucky.

It is 10:40pm and Lily is still up, "reading" and wandering around her room. For a while, after we moved things back one hour, an early breakfast, an 11am lunch time, etc, she was in bed by 9pm, which was a huge improvement. She was getting up late, we would wait for daddy to come home to have dinner at 6/6:30, bedtime routine started by 8, but wouldn't actually fall asleep after 10pm. At times she still gets up in the middle of the night. Usually, between 2 and 4am--fun times. So when we began doing things earlier, and unfortunately not waiting for Mr. Rhoads to come home to eat, she fell asleep earlier and slept through the night. She has been officially potty trained, meaning she hasn't had an overnight accident in a few weeks. I wish she would nap, mostly for me to take a break, but even if she does (only in the car), it does not improve her nighttime sleep habits. She napped briefly in the car today, I can't help but wonder if that is why she is having a hell of a time falling asleep now. I know she is tired. Truthfully, I have always been a night owl so I can't be upset that she has a hard time sleeping. I know the feeling.

Speak of the devil, I seem to have a visitor in my bedroom so perhaps I will try to lay down next to her. After all, she will not always be this small and will want to be around mommy this much, right?

The Latest...

I realize that all pregnancies are different, but I had the feeling something was different with this one. I knew in my gut that I was carrying a boy this time. I am not one of those women that loves being pregnant, in fact I am quite the opposite. I have good days and not so good days but for the most part I am hungry, tired, cranky, and sore. I feel that the symptoms I had with my first were a lot more manageable, but could it also be that it is a little harder this time around because I have a toddler? It is a possibility. I should definitely be walking more, and should be pushing myself to do more yoga, but honestly, I would much rather lay down and nap. If I crave pancakes at 11pm, I make and eat them. Ok, ok so Mr. Rhoads makes them and I eat them. :) My latest craving: banana bread. I have a strange, intense craving for that tasty, soft sweet banana bread. Whole Foods has THE best freshly baked bread, by the way. 

I am happy that I have slightly more energy now so that means I can cook! With Lily, I couldn't even be in the kitchen until my 16th week. This time around, the 18th week was the magic number. It has only been a week, but I am back on Pinterest pinning delicious recipes. I noticed that I tend to pin more desserts than dinners, though.

This was taken last week, I feel big and heavy already! I love feeling him move around in there, it is such a cool feeling. That is probably the only thing I like about pregnancy. My next ultrasound will be on Friday, where they will confirm that it is a boy. My doctor took a look at my last appointment and said he was certain the baby is a boy, so if he is wrong, oh man are we in for an enormous surprise! I trust him, though so I know I have nothing to worry about. I also saw it with my own eyes. 

We will be dropping Lily off at her grandparents' right after the appointment, so that Matt and I can stay in Santa Cruz for the night. I can't wait! As much as I love my daughter and enjoy our bedtime routine together, it will be nice to just relax with my husband. I guess it is kind of a mini babymoon. Hopefully it isn't freezing at the beach, but the main reason why we are going is to see Toad the Wet Sprocket at the Boardwalk. I love concerts, I am always down for a good one. Especially if they are free!

Latest Lily happenings:

*She loves her nanny, Paola, and believe me I love her too. She has been a godsend.

*Her favorite book: Hop on Pop. The kid has memorized it. She also knows Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you See? I caught her "reading" it a couple of months ago and took a video of it. I uploaded it to YouTube and sent it to family. My sister in law said that if I am proud of her just memorizing the book, wait until she actually begins reading. I know it will absolutely blow me away. I hope that her love for books will continue throughout her lifetime. 

*We have turned in the deposit needed for preschool, so it is official, she will begin August 29th. She will be attending twice a week, for a few hours in the mornings. It is a Spanish immersion school. I really wish I would have done a much better job of speaking Spanish to her, but by the force of habit (okay, and laziness) I have spoken mostly English. I am confident that she will pick it up quickly. 

*She has started to a bit more affectionate, her hugs last a little longer than usual and she says, "I love you, mommy" and says "aww" a lot. My most favorite thing she is doing is coming to my side of the bed the minute she wakes up to cuddle. 

*She will copy everything she hears, she will want to do what other children are doing. She is a thinker, and cautious in her actions. I love that about her. I can see the wheels turning in her head when she takes in something new. She really is an amazing little person. I am going to miss her when she starts school! 

After a two year hiatus...

I am sad to say that after going through two or three phones, a lot of the cute things that Lily has said or done have been lost. I am probably the most disorganized person in the world, in hindsight I should have actually gone the old-fashioned route, by writing things down. My sister got us a cute quotes book that we could have used the past year. Sigh, well, as I think of things, I will be updating here. Which of course means my writing will be terrible and probably difficult to follow. ;)

It has been too long. I don't even remember how to add those fancy tickers on here, or anything of the sort. I will just type. 

It's hard to believe our Lily will be three at the end of September. I am not going to lie, parenthood is exhausting, and it is hard. It is easy to compare your life to other moms, and think that they have it together but for all I know, they share the same struggles. I don't have an issue vocalizing the realities of motherhood. Yes, I am grateful, happy, and completely in love with my offspring, but it comes with huge responsibility, one that I do not take lightly. I should probably point out that I am sick and tired of the mommy wars. While I am normally a pretty positive, confident person, it isn't difficult to start doubting or questioning myself. I read a lot of blogs, and I have to say that I am tired of people walking on egg shells as to not offend anyone with their own thoughts or experiences. We all parent differently, whatever works for your family may not work for mine and vice versa. I have not experienced anything negative among my fellow mom friends (in real life), but I see a lot of negativity and animosity online, from complete strangers. I feel badly for these women that are so nasty to other moms, it just makes them look angry and incredibly insecure. The lack of respect as they hide behind their computers makes me genuinely sad. It takes bullying to a whole other level. So, on that note, I will admit here that I will stay honest, and if anyone disagrees with my own ideas, it is okay but just as I hope to raise my child to be respectful of others, I hope that that is what other moms want for their children as well, therefore they will be role models and behave as such.

Goodness, where do I begin? I left off with somewhat of a small political rant but I have decided not to discuss my thoughts on that here. The state of our country at the moment is an utter embarrassment, and further rants would more than likely take ALL of my free time. I think would only be appropriate for a different platform. 

What we are currently up to: 

We are expecting baby Rhoads #2 in December. It came as a surprise, because we had "planned" not to begin trying for another baby until after our Hawaii trip. It is funny, isn't it? That life does not always happen as one plans. I am beyond excited that my doctor has confirmed that it is a boy! We have painted the nursery, and have random misplaced furniture in there for now. Lily is in the process of a "big girl" bedroom, in which we have just moved furniture around and added a couple of things. We are in the market for a bunk bed, in hopes of using the top for storage, and bottom for her bed. As she gets older, the bed can go up and a desk would go at the bottom. So far, that is the plan.

We want to see Toad the Wet Sprocket at the Boardwalk on Friday, so I want to paint our room on Thursday. Lily will have her second sleepover at the Rhoads' house. The first was about a year ago, and needless to say it did not go very well. Why no one ever warned us that even at two years old, the possibility of them going to sleep at a decent hour and sleeping through the night is a slim one, is beyond me. I whine and complain to my non-mom friends about this, only to let them know what they are really in for if they decide to have children. It should be noted that we do get a few nights here and there where we get more than 6 hours of sleep at a time, but it does not happen frequently. I can understand now how some parents can have one kid after the other, sleep is essentially obsolete anyway. :)

I also talk about how smart and funny she is, how she surprises me and makes me laugh daily. She is a sensitive kid, just like I was. Hell, I am still a sensitive person. She is absolutely wonderful, and it has been awesome getting to know her. The difficult part about parenting for me is that I hope I can help her achieve her full potential. I am nervous about letting her down somehow; all I can really do is try my very best. I obviously know that we are only human and will make a lot of mistakes, but her stability and happiness is what matters to me the most. I am very proud of her so far, and the father that Matt has become. Since day one, he has been amazing. I could not have asked for a better partner. 

More to come later.