The Latest...

I realize that all pregnancies are different, but I had the feeling something was different with this one. I knew in my gut that I was carrying a boy this time. I am not one of those women that loves being pregnant, in fact I am quite the opposite. I have good days and not so good days but for the most part I am hungry, tired, cranky, and sore. I feel that the symptoms I had with my first were a lot more manageable, but could it also be that it is a little harder this time around because I have a toddler? It is a possibility. I should definitely be walking more, and should be pushing myself to do more yoga, but honestly, I would much rather lay down and nap. If I crave pancakes at 11pm, I make and eat them. Ok, ok so Mr. Rhoads makes them and I eat them. :) My latest craving: banana bread. I have a strange, intense craving for that tasty, soft sweet banana bread. Whole Foods has THE best freshly baked bread, by the way. 

I am happy that I have slightly more energy now so that means I can cook! With Lily, I couldn't even be in the kitchen until my 16th week. This time around, the 18th week was the magic number. It has only been a week, but I am back on Pinterest pinning delicious recipes. I noticed that I tend to pin more desserts than dinners, though.

This was taken last week, I feel big and heavy already! I love feeling him move around in there, it is such a cool feeling. That is probably the only thing I like about pregnancy. My next ultrasound will be on Friday, where they will confirm that it is a boy. My doctor took a look at my last appointment and said he was certain the baby is a boy, so if he is wrong, oh man are we in for an enormous surprise! I trust him, though so I know I have nothing to worry about. I also saw it with my own eyes. 

We will be dropping Lily off at her grandparents' right after the appointment, so that Matt and I can stay in Santa Cruz for the night. I can't wait! As much as I love my daughter and enjoy our bedtime routine together, it will be nice to just relax with my husband. I guess it is kind of a mini babymoon. Hopefully it isn't freezing at the beach, but the main reason why we are going is to see Toad the Wet Sprocket at the Boardwalk. I love concerts, I am always down for a good one. Especially if they are free!

Latest Lily happenings:

*She loves her nanny, Paola, and believe me I love her too. She has been a godsend.

*Her favorite book: Hop on Pop. The kid has memorized it. She also knows Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you See? I caught her "reading" it a couple of months ago and took a video of it. I uploaded it to YouTube and sent it to family. My sister in law said that if I am proud of her just memorizing the book, wait until she actually begins reading. I know it will absolutely blow me away. I hope that her love for books will continue throughout her lifetime. 

*We have turned in the deposit needed for preschool, so it is official, she will begin August 29th. She will be attending twice a week, for a few hours in the mornings. It is a Spanish immersion school. I really wish I would have done a much better job of speaking Spanish to her, but by the force of habit (okay, and laziness) I have spoken mostly English. I am confident that she will pick it up quickly. 

*She has started to a bit more affectionate, her hugs last a little longer than usual and she says, "I love you, mommy" and says "aww" a lot. My most favorite thing she is doing is coming to my side of the bed the minute she wakes up to cuddle. 

*She will copy everything she hears, she will want to do what other children are doing. She is a thinker, and cautious in her actions. I love that about her. I can see the wheels turning in her head when she takes in something new. She really is an amazing little person. I am going to miss her when she starts school! 

After a two year hiatus...

I am sad to say that after going through two or three phones, a lot of the cute things that Lily has said or done have been lost. I am probably the most disorganized person in the world, in hindsight I should have actually gone the old-fashioned route, by writing things down. My sister got us a cute quotes book that we could have used the past year. Sigh, well, as I think of things, I will be updating here. Which of course means my writing will be terrible and probably difficult to follow. ;)

It has been too long. I don't even remember how to add those fancy tickers on here, or anything of the sort. I will just type. 

It's hard to believe our Lily will be three at the end of September. I am not going to lie, parenthood is exhausting, and it is hard. It is easy to compare your life to other moms, and think that they have it together but for all I know, they share the same struggles. I don't have an issue vocalizing the realities of motherhood. Yes, I am grateful, happy, and completely in love with my offspring, but it comes with huge responsibility, one that I do not take lightly. I should probably point out that I am sick and tired of the mommy wars. While I am normally a pretty positive, confident person, it isn't difficult to start doubting or questioning myself. I read a lot of blogs, and I have to say that I am tired of people walking on egg shells as to not offend anyone with their own thoughts or experiences. We all parent differently, whatever works for your family may not work for mine and vice versa. I have not experienced anything negative among my fellow mom friends (in real life), but I see a lot of negativity and animosity online, from complete strangers. I feel badly for these women that are so nasty to other moms, it just makes them look angry and incredibly insecure. The lack of respect as they hide behind their computers makes me genuinely sad. It takes bullying to a whole other level. So, on that note, I will admit here that I will stay honest, and if anyone disagrees with my own ideas, it is okay but just as I hope to raise my child to be respectful of others, I hope that that is what other moms want for their children as well, therefore they will be role models and behave as such.

Goodness, where do I begin? I left off with somewhat of a small political rant but I have decided not to discuss my thoughts on that here. The state of our country at the moment is an utter embarrassment, and further rants would more than likely take ALL of my free time. I think would only be appropriate for a different platform. 

What we are currently up to: 

We are expecting baby Rhoads #2 in December. It came as a surprise, because we had "planned" not to begin trying for another baby until after our Hawaii trip. It is funny, isn't it? That life does not always happen as one plans. I am beyond excited that my doctor has confirmed that it is a boy! We have painted the nursery, and have random misplaced furniture in there for now. Lily is in the process of a "big girl" bedroom, in which we have just moved furniture around and added a couple of things. We are in the market for a bunk bed, in hopes of using the top for storage, and bottom for her bed. As she gets older, the bed can go up and a desk would go at the bottom. So far, that is the plan.

We want to see Toad the Wet Sprocket at the Boardwalk on Friday, so I want to paint our room on Thursday. Lily will have her second sleepover at the Rhoads' house. The first was about a year ago, and needless to say it did not go very well. Why no one ever warned us that even at two years old, the possibility of them going to sleep at a decent hour and sleeping through the night is a slim one, is beyond me. I whine and complain to my non-mom friends about this, only to let them know what they are really in for if they decide to have children. It should be noted that we do get a few nights here and there where we get more than 6 hours of sleep at a time, but it does not happen frequently. I can understand now how some parents can have one kid after the other, sleep is essentially obsolete anyway. :)

I also talk about how smart and funny she is, how she surprises me and makes me laugh daily. She is a sensitive kid, just like I was. Hell, I am still a sensitive person. She is absolutely wonderful, and it has been awesome getting to know her. The difficult part about parenting for me is that I hope I can help her achieve her full potential. I am nervous about letting her down somehow; all I can really do is try my very best. I obviously know that we are only human and will make a lot of mistakes, but her stability and happiness is what matters to me the most. I am very proud of her so far, and the father that Matt has become. Since day one, he has been amazing. I could not have asked for a better partner. 

More to come later. 

TODAY

While I am a proud American citizen, and am saddened by so many lives lost on this day 13 years ago, I am also saddened about the 140,000 who died at Hiroshima. Why aren't they mourned? Because it wasn't on US soil. And to the 80,000 at Nagisaki (august 9th). No acknowlegement there. Many innocent people have lost their lives by incredibly senseless acts. Some that did survive ended up homeless. This is not to say 9-11 shouldn't be mourned, but death and destruction occurs ALL over the world, and it is very real but it is not common knowledge. It makes me cringe when I see "we will never forget" memes all over my newsfeed. Of course we will never forget what happened in NYC, but also do not forget that our country has also caused death and destruction to other countries. Many families divided, innocent lives lost.
They are also deserving of others' mourning, regardless of where they reside, or where they come from. We are all one in the same.

Almost a Year Later...

Wow! How our lives have changed! Let's see here, I need to write about my birth experience and how everything has been since then. This could take a while...I think I will get around to it another time.

For now, I will blog about my baby. She will be a big one year old on the 28th of September. I can't believe how fast time has flown by. She is cruising on her knees with her walker, she is a really good little eater, fast crawler, can sign "more", and "all done".  She likes the sound of her voice and has learned different octive ranges. ;) She giggles at random things, and I say random because we will do the same thing that made her laugh before and she won't laugh again. She is spontaneous, expressive, impatient, and playful. I just love her to pieces. She is smart, and I am not just saying so because I am her mom, I think it is so amazing how much she understands already.

I am not one of those moms who wishes their baby stayed small, I am the opposite. I absolutely love watching her grow up before my eyes. I enjoy being home, making sure to never blink so I don't miss a thing. Motherhood is far better than I ever imagined. I love watching her learn, and grow into her own little person. I look forward to our mother-daughter adventures!

38 Weeks, 5 days....

Listening to: Pandora Radio, Korn channel :)

Hmm, I wonder why my Pandora commercials are in Spanish? Haha, it's kind of funny.

I am a fairly simple girl with few luxuries, but yesterday was all about pampering myself. We get our house cleaned once in a while, thanks to my mom's business, so we thought yesterday would be a great time to do it. I treated myself to an egg, cheese, (cheddar and cream cheese, thank you very much) and ham bagel in the morning then had my eyebrows and nails done. I was seriously starting to look like Frida Kahlo. I have never had such long nails before, because I have had the worst nail-biting habit for as long as I can remember! Those prenatal vitamins sure work wonders! I don't know why, but whether I'm doing my nails myself or have others do them, I find it to be very relaxing. The house smells clean, carpets are vacuumed, everything is dusted and put away, counter tops are spotless and I can eat off the kitchen floor. There is nothing like it!!!

So, even though baby is head down at the moment, last week on the ultrasound she showed to be facing posterior, as in facing my belly. That isn't ideal for the way our pelvis is shaped, meaning if she does not turn around, I will have a very long, painful labor. Also known as "back labor". The majority end up being pitocin/epidural/c-section deliveries so I hope- so very badly- that she will get into the anterior position before I go into labor! I've been doing exercises from Spinning Babies, and have seen a homeopathic chiropractor to hopefully get my pelvis & spine back into alignment. I've always had back/hip issues, I wish I would have addressed this sooner. My dad is so funny, calling me last night to tell me it was a full moon and asking if I was prepared. I wish I could tell him that yes, I have a feeling she will come that soon but I really don't. I joke and say I hope she comes Sunday the 22nd because my birthday is the 23rd, I can always say I had her when I was 30 and not 31. LOL! Ah, my birthday. That's right! To be completely honest, I had forgotten all about it. It's funny because in my family, we've always made a big deal about our birthdays. I always made sure everyone knew mine was coming up. The morning of any one of our birthdays, we loudly play "Las mananitas", a spanish song about your special birthday. We've always had cake and presents. Matt's family does the same thing, with the exception of las mananitas. ;) The plan is to have the PAMF girls over for brunch at the house Sunday, then both families over for pizza and cake. Sounds like the perfect day to me! I find it interesting that I've been so consumed with baby stuff that I actually forgot my birthday! Hah!
Now, if baby makes her appearance before then, we'll have to revise the entire thing. ;)
Matt seems eager to give me my gift now, but I told him we should wait for both families to open presents. I wonder what it is?!

After my second day of my chiro appointment, I feel so much better. I don't feel like my pelvic bone is being shredded to pieces every time I stand! Baby has definitely dropped because I can breathe much better, and my walk today wasn't so strenuous. I feel good! Heavy and slow, but painless.

So it's officially 9/20 now, since it is after midnight. Baby has hiccups. It is pretty amazing- I feel them more now than ever since she's bigger and stronger. I have an OB visit tomorrow with a female MD I have only met twice for my follow up NST. I had thought about checking to see if I'm dilated or effaced at all, but after some thought I figure I will wait until I see my regular OB on the 25th, if there haven't been any signs of labor. If it isn't necessary, why chance an infection? I'm not comfortable with them poking around in there just because I happen to be curious. I don't remember if I wrote about last Saturday, then again I don't remember much of anything these days. After Meg, Anthea and Char left & the amazing day we had here at my house, I started to get cramps. They seemed to be getting progressively worse, so naturally I was starting to think OK this is it! I got on my birthing ball, rolled around for a bit, took a shower, went to bed only to wake up around 3am feeling pretty terrible still. My doula, Deidre, was out of town so I started to get really nervous. I woke up again around 8am feeling the same but as the day progressed I felt fine. After a while, they came back but it was constant, nothing I could really time. I was almost sure I'd have this baby by Sunday night or Monday. By Monday night, though I was back to normal. I read that with a "sunny side up" baby, this can happen. Your body may trick you into thinking you're about to go into labor, but nope! Just kidding. I emailed Deidre to tell her about my cramps and she explained that what I was going through sounded a lot like very early labor. It is a full moon mid-week so I must be prepared. She advised me to take warm baths, to try to relax as much as possible. Honestly, I don't know how women do this without a doula. The support is nothing short of amazing.

So now we are very close to the 39th week, and I haven't gotten any other signs. I was just telling Matt that as much as I already love this little person growing inside me, I think it is time she start considering making her debut. I'm heavy, tired, big, and have other lady part stuff going on that I'd rather not go into detail about. I barely share these things with my own husband! Don't get me wrong, we're pretty intimate (duh) and there are no secrets between us, but does he really have to know about leaking nipples or weird discharge? I think not. Thankfully, I don't have either but you get the idea. That's why I have other women to talk to, and my very much appreciated doula!

I'm such a fatty. I'm in my kitchen, eating leftover coffee cake from Hobbe's and chocolate soy milk. They are so ridiculously good, especially at this hour. I didn't even take a nap today, what gives?

Oh! Now that I think of it. Another strange occurrence: Sgt refused to sleep downstairs in his bed last night, where he has been sleeping for the past 4 years. He came up next to the bed on my side, giving me puppy eyes. How could I resist? We set his bed up on the floor next to me, and he was perfectly content as he fell asleep. I was sure I'd go into labor then. Nope, false alarm. He has been incredibly needy since I'd say around the 8th week of pregnancy. He may have been before that, I just hadn't noticed. Animals are so smart and amazing. There is a possibility that I just spoil him with so much affection that he expects it all the time? Who knows, all I know is that he senses something is different, and he is no longer the baby of the house. There will be a new member in the pack & he will be the less dominant one. Aww, my little boy. We will still show him we love him, and I know he will be great with baby.

I should really sleep. Big day ahead of me tomorrow...lol! Not really. I started watching Breaking Bad but it just isn't really my thing. I can't get into Orange is the New Black, everyone raves about it but I just don't see what the big deal is. I could care less about the whiny main character, and even less about the rest. It's crude, nasty, and just not entertaining to me. I finished Sister Wives pretty quickly, and now I have to look for season 3 since it isn't on Netflix. I think it's pretty interesting, to see how polygamists live. To them, it's a completely normal lifestyle. I feel that if they aren't hurting anyone, they aren't taking advantage of tax payers' money, then who are we to judge how they live? They are happy, they serve their community, whatever! To each their own. The government should be worried about WAY bigger fish to fry. Now I am rambling.
We'll see how I sleep tonight, I have another appointment with the chiropractor Saturday, and I'm looking forward to that one since Matt can come with me.

Ok, officially tired. Until next time...maybe baby will be here by then, you never know. :o)

Another Day...

These last few weeks are looooong and dragging. I was up until almost 3 am last night, I just cannot sleep. No matter what position I get myself into, I am not comfortable. I cuddled with hubs as it is the only way I can fall asleep, but it's a matter of time before I wake up from either pain or having to use the restroom. This morning I woke up from a muscle spasm in my back, and my god was it painful! Matt got up to plug in my heating pad, and lovingly placed it underneath me. Talk about immediate relief! And yay for such a great husband, am I right? I slept for another 2 hours or so. That seems to be the pattern lately. I got up around 9, lazily made myself a couple of waffles and 2 eggs, checked my email and continued my Sex and the City marathon. After I finished eating I took the Sarge for a walk, and was surprised to find that it was really a nice day, warm but with a breeze. It was refreshing. Got back, had some grapes, and started scouting for freezable meals to make. I made an awesome tuna noodle casserole, but now my feet are killing me. I don't have the energy to clean up, and I hate it! I wonder how well the casserole will freeze?

I read an article online about what pregnant women hate to hear. Among those were: "You're about to pop!" "Are you carrying twins?" "You better get all the sleep you can now before baby comes!" (or do things now that you like to do- wait, what?) "Can I touch your belly?" Or do it without asking. "You are going to need that epidural!" And the list goes on and on.

I've gotten the twin comment by a thin woman who did my pedicure once. It bothered me at first, but I realized how unimportant she is to me. The only one that particularly bugs me is the implication that my life is officially over by having a baby, it's absurd. Believe me, I plan on taking my little girl places. Nothing stops me from having a good time...seriously, since when does the world stop just because you have a baby? Obviously, our lives will be different, things will change but it is up to you how you handle those changes. You can either make it really difficult for yourself, or embrace it and enjoy it as much as possible. They take naps, do they not? I have 3 different carriers so I can have her with me everywhere I go for the first few months of her life. Last I checked, I don't recall hearing about any permanent damage done to a baby due to car rides, Disneyland, camping, parks or walks. I plan on still going on dinner, movie and concert dates with hubs. My mother did not get a crib to keep in their home for nothing! I still plan on seeing my friends for brunch or lunch, or pedis or whatever I feel like! Matt still plans on playing hockey on some weekends. My point is, our lives will not come to a complete stop and will not be totally consumed by this little creature we've created. Her life will be full of adventures as well, even from the start.

I am frequently asked by people if they can touch my belly and it doesn't bother me at all. The comments about getting the epidural used to bug me, but at this point I smile politely and just nod my head. It's none of their business how I plan to birth my child. Nor am I obligated to tell them why I think a natural delivery is best. Believe me, sometimes I do want to open my mouth, but it is most certainly not my place. Why is motherhood such a competition? I love to hear people's birth stories, whether it was a positive or a negative one because all births are different and I know mine will be unique. To each their own! There is no point in getting all worked up and being overly sensitive. Sometimes people are awkward when they don't know what to say. I personally don't like to feel like I'm walking on egg shells with someone, I certainly wouldn't want anyone to feel that way about me. Whew. It feels good to vent and rant, rant rant!

Now that I've taken this break, it is time to make yet another meal to add to the freezer. Man, I'm on a ROLL! ;)

The Joys of Pregnancy! 37 weeks...

Listening to...the sound of the fan going, because it is crazy HOT today!!!
This entry is not by any means to complain about the changes I'm going through; though it may seem that way. It's just a vent. I'm allowed, right? I never post anything on those baby website message boards, because I've read some threads where people can be pretty mean. I don't understand how us women can be so petty with one another, especially while hiding behind a computer. Does it make them feel better about themselves? What's the point? I feel that as women, we should empower each other, respect our differences, learn from and support one another. I stay far far away from the useless drama. I have far more important things to do, things to worry about. It seems like some of these girls are only on the boards to ridicule others. I say girls because that's exactly what they are. Ok, rant over. HAHA hormonal much?

I know very well how lucky I am that I was able to conceive when we wanted to, not everyone has that opportunity. I am sure those people would do anything to be in my shoes. Please believe me when I say that I am happy, very happy that we are growing our family and I am going to be a mom! What a blessing! However, it does not mean that it doesn't come with its challenges, as I'm sure many other first time moms can relate.

I've realized that from here on out I will have my good days, when I feel just fine enough to cook a couple of meals to freeze for after baby is born & to do other household chores, then I have my days when I feel like my body has been hit by a moving train- a perfect example of that was this morning. I do not recall doing anything remotely strenuous yesterday, I wasn't on my feet or sitting for too long, so I don't exactly know what triggers it. I guess it's just pregnancy. I am a chronic tummy sleeper, which I know is terrible for my back, but it's the way I've always fallen asleep. Now that I can't sleep that way, it's been a difficult night right after the next. I sleep on my left side a lot, but there are certain pressure points that hurt when I lay that way all night. We have a fairly new firm mattress, which I otherwise love but we also have a memory foam mattress top thinking it would help me sleep better during pregnancy. In addition to that I use a pregnancy pillow, which is as tall as I am and supports both my back and in between my knees. I can barely roll over to the other side though; my groin, back, pelvic and hip muscles are in so much pain, I'm almost in tears when I try. I get temporary relief when I actually get onto the other side, but my hands and fingers ache from carpal tunnel, so at that point I'm usually awake enough to feel the intensity from it all. I cannot bend my fingers, because when I go to grab my blanket or pillow, I cringe from the pain. Not only that, but my hands can get tingly and numb because my entire arm falls asleep. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe, so I prop myself up with all of my pillows but again, I am on my back. Sorry, doc it is the only way I can get a good 4-6 hours of quality sleep. Of course that is if I don't have to pee 7 times throughout the night. But even in that position, my bum is sore from sitting on it all night. If I get on my side that way, by back is out of alignment and it's hellooo major back pain! Matt says I snore now. I've actually woken myself up from how loudly I snore! Pretty funny, actually. Well, if you look on the bright side, at least I don't have that awful rash anymore, eh? I also do not have hyperemesis like some pregnant women do, it's rare to have it throughout pregnancy but it does happen. I used to treat those women with hydration. They actually almost deterred me from ever having children! So, thankfully I do not have that condition. I actually did not vomit once. I know.

I'm experiencing "lightening crotch" now, actually since around the 35th week or so. Apparently it means that baby has dropped into the pelvic canal. It isn't a pleasant feeling. The term used for this phenomenon is pretty self explanatory. It's been quite a few times now that when I walk, I almost can envision her little head coming out of me. I may sound a bit dramatic, but it's the only way I know how to describe it. I've read that I should probably feel less pressure on my ribs, but that isn't quite so. Even as I sit up straight, I am still out of breath so maybe she's just a big baby. :) I'm so glad we are both healthy. I do admit to being nervous about the birthing process, only because it is the unknown, but I am thankful for our doula and the support I have found with other moms that have delivered naturally. Of course, our families are huge supporters as well.

I am so incredibly excited to meet our little one. It is only a matter of time.