Currently listening to: Deftones, White Pony
Well! We are at 35 weeks and counting!
I keep telling myself that I need to update this thing, I need to keep a journal of everything I have gone through during my pregnancy but I always find other things to do; like Pinterest, and implementing ideas from there ;). I'm popping in a frozen eggplant parmesan for dinner so I don't have to be on my feet tonight, so now here I am, blogging. I've got my kitchen table in the kitchen now, (we are transforming the dining area into a play area) bought myself some pretty pink flowers for the table for aesthetics, a passion fruit tea from Starbucks, dude, I'm ready to do this!
At this point in my pregnancy I'm slowly growing more and more uncomfortable. Sleep is a thing of the past, or at least a full night's sleep. My body is preparing for more long nights, I get it, but if you know me at all you'd know it isn't what I've looked forward to when it comes to motherhood. I need to suck it up, and realize it is inevitable. I have a couple of books on my Amazon wishlist that hopefully I will read before baby comes, just for tips on getting baby to sleep as long as possible during the night. I know that as a newborn she will need to feed frequently, but as she grows I'm sure it only gets easier. I'm a night person, which Matt isn't so I think he will probably have more of a hard time than I will. We shall see, we only have a few weeks left to go. I feel like we still have so much more to do, but I know that's normal. I've done so much reading and research, it's ridiculous.
We have yet to figure out the logistics of it all, she won't be in her crib for a few weeks or more so the bassinet in our bedroom will come in handy, but the rocking chair can be moved downstairs for when I want to feed downstairs during the day. I've never really been much of a routine kind of girl and that has to change with baby. They need routine and consistency. While I feel emotionally ready, I've also grown quite attached to my belly. I love knowing how tucked away and safe she is in there, and bringing her into this world will have its challenges. I want to teach her that while there is a lot of ugly and evil in this world, there is also good and that's what is most important.
Even though we were married in a Catholic church, we are not religious. At one point in my life I had said that my personal relationship with God was just that, personal and private. After giving it a lot of thought I came to the conclusion that there really wasn't a relationship at all. I just wanted to think there was a powerful entity up there who looked over me and talked to me in my head but now that's just absurd to me. I love the way Matt was brought up in his family. He was taught that you are accountable for your own actions, that everything is a choice in life. There is a mutual respect among parents and children. He was raised to be a good person, understand the difference between right and wrong, without the use of a frightening after-life threat. I remember growing up feeling confused and ashamed about everything that I ever felt, everything that I thought, but never fully understanding why. Science & good music will be huge in this household, because let's face it, it is all I'm about! :D
I suppose I should get on cleaning the living room and kitchen, since our doula is coming by this evening to work on our birth plan, and discuss what will happen the day I go into labor. I am very excited to work with her. While almost everyone I talk to just has to tell me about how painful childbirth is, I have learned to tune it out with my own positive thoughts. Everyone has their own way of dealing with pain, and not to mention whatever you decide to do with your body and your baby is ultimately up to...well, you. I'm not judging other moms, especially since I haven't gone through labor yet, but I don't think of it as a medical emergency, and I certainly can't fathom agreeing to unnecessary major surgery because I couldn't deal with the pain. I can't imagine it being like how you see it on TV, dramatic and gut-wrenching. I know it will be unbearable, I know it will make me want drugs, I know I'm probably going to want to punch someone in the face and that someone will most likely be Matt, lol. But I think I'm a strong individual, and with my stubbornness, I am pretty positive I'll have the outcome I wish to have. I refuse to be doped up and have a drugged baby in my arms. I want to be able to feel my legs, I want for the both of us to be alert and bond. I want to be able to leave the hospital and go home with our new bundle of joy as soon as possible. If I hear one more person tell me that I do not have control over this, I will scream!! As far as I am concerned, I am more in control without medication than with them, and people really need to keep their negative comments to themselves. Obviously, should a life or death situation arise, I will utilize my other options which I am grateful to have in the first place. From what I have learned and understand, medical interventions only lead to more medical interventions. If I could avoid them altogether, I should be fine. I respect my OB's decisions, as he respects mine. My pregnancy has not had any complications thus far, therefore there is no reason for any medical interventions.
My doula explained that when her clients ask for the pain meds, it is usually during the transition phase, the last and most difficult phase in labor. They are at the point of giving birth and there is not enough time for the meds to "kick in" so it is essentially pointless. I need to keep that in mind. She told Matt that since I feel so strongly about being able to give birth naturally, he should never tell me to just take meds, because it completely undermines what I feel so strongly about. We are both on the same page regarding drugs, but It will be hard for him to see me in pain so he must also remain strong- for me, for us and baby. After the initial doula meeting, subsequent meetings and after taking a Comfort Techniques for Labor class with awesome doulas, midwives and nurses, I feel super empowered! Let's do this! A mantra I need to repeat for myself no matter how painful labor is: my body knows perfectly what it needs to do, it is the mind that does not.
We have come a long way in medicine, but honestly, we have SO much more to go when it comes to maternity care. Buuut that's a whole other blog entry I will not get into at the moment.
Until next time. :)
